


dare to remember

by queencatherine_demedici



Category: Reign (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:33:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23759908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queencatherine_demedici/pseuds/queencatherine_demedici
Summary: Present. Set of "Reign", Season 2 Episode 10"If you don't want this," she was so close to him that Alan could have easily put his chin on her head if she hadn't been looking at him, "then tell me. Now. Look at me and tell me to leave." He paused and watched Megan fight her inner battle."But I'm not coming back, Megan."
Relationships: Megan Follows / Alan van Sprang
Kudos: 9





	1. Don't I feel real?

Chapter I

Present, set of "Reign" Episode 10 Season 2  
Alan

It was unbearably hot. Hot and dark. The subtle floral scent of Megan's perfume mingled with his peppermint breath and Alan swallowed dryly, trying to get rid of the nervousness that was about to settle in the pit of his stomach. He took a deep breath and carefully guided his hand along her body towards her neck. His fingertips touched the light fabric of her nightgown and Alan couldn't help wondering how soft her skin must feel under the silk. The sigh that Megan let out made him release the air, he had held until that moment. He knew it was just acting, and beneath him was Catherine de' Medici, not Megan Follows. Yet his heart stopped beating as his hand almost started to develop a life of its own and found its way between her breasts up to her throat. Alan carefully put his fingers around her neck and Megan took a sharp breath, opening her eyes just as Alan came out from under the duvet, shoulders and head finally freed from the heat. The scent of her perfume suddenly intensified and a slight grin grew across Alan's face. He had found his way back into his role, Henry, the mad King, now appeared in the fantasies of his almost mad Queen.  
"Henry?" Megan's - no, Catherine's voice was nothing more than a ghostly whisper, she stared at him, eyes wide with surprise, "this can’t be real."  
Alan could see in her eyes that she seemed to be a little off, just like him. Letting go of her throat, he straightened up further, grabbed her wrist, roughly but not too roughly, and pulled her arm towards the middle of his body. Her fingertips touched his thigh and Alan did his best to concentrate on his lines. "Don't I feel real?“ his hoarse voice succeeded effortlessly this time, perhaps because this very scene captivated him in a very special way. Megan just kept staring at him in shock until he lowered his head and pressed his lips hungrily on hers. At first it seemed as if she was giving in, his breath going faster, heavier than usual and he deepened the kiss, his hand still clasping her wrist.  
"Stop," only a second or two had passed when Megan interrupted the kiss and forcibly removed her hand from his grasp "Stop it!"  
Alan was still breathing heavily, his thoughts began to spin wildly in circles and he retreated slightly as Megan straightened up, cheeks flushed, with an expression in her eyes that was completely foreign to Alan. She too was breathing faster - and Alan was not left cold. The words that followed, Alan only could only hear muffled. He was busy looking at her, sucking in her scent and planting this sight in his brain forever. Damn - Alan realized too late that he had fallen out of his role - his head seemed to be empty when he looked at Megan. Maybe that was a problem too. This was not Henry and Catherine, it was Megan and Alan. And for some unknown reason, he found it particularly difficult at that moment to separate Henry and Alan.   
"Cut," Alan noticed his cheeks burning. Now he was blushing, too, like a schoolgirl. "Sorry," he shrugged and gave Megan an apologetic look, making a discarding gesture with her hand, a slight smile adorning her lips as she ran her fingers through the blonde hair and her breathing slowed down again. Alan rubbed his bald head and gave an exasperating sigh, as one of the crew members recited his lines to him, whereupon he merely nodded and silently returned to his position under the blanket.  
It would not get any better, he knew that. The pulling in his loins predicted great difficulty concentrating in the near future and Alan would have to pull himself together. So the game started all over again and Alan brought up every bit of concentration he could find within himself to prevent his excitement from becoming his undoing. On the other hand, if he was honest, every second he spent in this bed with Megan was both a curse and a blessing.  
"Don't I feel real?" the words came automatically to his lips, the scene had already processed when he took her hand again and pulled her towards him. Their faces were now so close that Alan could see the tiny freckles on her nose and felt her warm breath on his lips.  
A quiet, almost imperceptible gasp escaped Megan as her fingertips collided with something that was definitely not his thigh. She did not flinch. And instead of looking away or even feeling ashamed, she performed her role completely convincingly.   
Again Alan kissed her, again she interrupted him and freed herself from his grip.   
"What are you doing here? What's happening to me", she asked in the same stunned breath, her chest trembled from the heavy breathing and her eyes were supposedly widened in terror.  
And this time, Alan remembered his lines.  
"The twins found me," he played along, raising one hand to put it on her cheek. Megan followed his movement with an attentive look and seemed to relax slightly. Her breath caressing his palm as he moved even closer to her, her lips slightly opened by the intense breathing that the kiss had provoked. "You don't have to feel guilty about Claude," Alan recalled his lines, the deep whispering came easily to him, especially when he put his index finger on her lips. His gaze remained there for a moment - warm, soft and red in a way that could have made any man weak. Megan's look met his and he used that moment to kiss her again, as instinctively and aggressively as before.

Although another kiss had not been planned for this scene, Alan did not care, especially not at that moment. He had let himself be carried away to let her feel his - Henry's - hunger and he did not regret it for a second. What surprised him more was the fact that Megan didn't seem to mind in the slightest. Even when Alan more or less accidentally let his tongue slip over her lower lip, her reaction was a sigh that almost bordered on a groan. Alan thought he was going crazy, the sound vibrated through his body like an electric shock and the last remaining blood finally left his brain.  
"Say it," he muttered soundlessly as he interrupted the kiss, breathing heavily against her velvety lips that still touched his "say that you want me back."  
Suddenly he felt her hand on his cheek and his gaze cleared. "I want you back", Megan's voice was a mixture of a hoarse whisper and an almost inaudible moaning, her thumb touched his chin briefly and he looked at her a little too long to continue his lines now. Alan was already about to break off the scene when a tiny movement of Megan, a slight lifting of her head in his direction, an almost unreal concession of her body, put him on another thought. His left hand pushed the fabric of her nightdress roughly over her shoulder and he entangled her in another passionate kiss, his right hand buried in her soft curls.  
"Cut! That's it folks," the director shouted and Alan and Megan separated, both with red cheeks and Alan with a wildly beating heart - not to mention an erection that was about to cause him serious problems.   
His face was still very close to hers for another moment and invisible to everyone else in the room, he gently pushed her nightgown back into place. With a tiny smile, he slid to the other side of the mattress.  
Alan rubbed his shaved head but stayed put, while Megan had already disappeared towards her trailer. A little clueless he sat on the bed, the duvet covering his abdomen. How would he get out of here without putting himself in the most embarrassing situation of his life? His eyes fell on Jack, the eccentric of the camera crew, who seemed to be on his way to him right now.  
"Here, man", Jack went with his free hand through his ash-blond hair, which was slightly too long. He handed Alan his dark blue jacket, which he had prepared for the way into the trailer. He grinned, a bit too cheeky for Alan's taste, and the old man's face darkened just before he got up. He silently cursed the damn leather pants he had to wear as King Henry, they really didn't make this situation any easier for him.  
"You owe me," Jack added and disappeared towards the cameras after Alan acknowledged his remark with a noncommittal grunt. Although Alan had always believed he would never find himself in such a situation, Megan Follows had him head over heels for her. On every imaginable level. Seeing her again, had affected Alan more than he had expected.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter II

Past  
Knock Airport, Ireland

_Alan stood at the baggage carousel waiting for his suitcase. He leaned his head back, looking at the ceiling and was happy about the relieving crack that followed his movement. The twelve hour flight with a stop in Dublin had made him tired and he still had half of the day ahead of him. But now he was here and the excitement had the effect of a strong coffee on him and his nervous system. Today he would meet his new colleagues, to take advantage of his first evening in Ireland to get to know each other better before shooting the first episode of "Reign" would begin. Alan's flight had been delayed and that even after he had taken the last flight that would get him here in time. When the baggage carousel finally started moving and his suitcase moved towards him, Alan leaned forward and lifted it off the belt, it looked almost effortless. Frowning, Alan looked for his name tag on the handle of the suitcase - could it be that it had been accidentally torn off? He turned the suitcase in all directions, but there was no doubt that this suitcase did not belong to him. Alan sighed and was already carefully putting it back on the luggage belt when a female voice made him look up.  
"Excuse me?" his gaze fell on a woman of his age, blonde, with a curvy figure that didn't normally fit into his prey pattern, yet attractive and about a head shorter than him.  
"I think this is mine," she continued without waiting for a reaction from him. The confusion must have been written all over Alan's face because she looked at him expectantly and, as time went on, somewhat insecure.  
"Oh yes," he cleared his throat and handed her the suitcase. Alan was now certain that the woman in front of him was none other than Megan Follows.  
"Thank you," she replied and was already turning away, she seemed to be in a hurry. Suddenly, Alan remembered that he too was late. He hadn't expected to meet other actors on the way to the set, especially Megan Follows. This brief encounter had upset Alan that he almost forgot to take his own suitcase from the baggage carousel, so desperate was the need to run after her. Finally, loaded with all of his luggage, he hurried towards the exit where a driver was supposed to pick him up and bring him to the hotel. Alan blinked, the grey of the sky burning in his tired eyes but, as if unconsciously looking for her, his gaze fell again on Megan Follows. Inwardly he scolded himself for not having recognized her immediately, after all she was more or less famous, at least in Canada. She stood with her back to him at a distance of a few meters and seemed to exchange a few words with a stranger who was busy lifting her suitcase into a car.  
Looking a bit closer, Alan discovered a handwritten note in the windshield, on which both his and Megan's first and last name were written. So Alan set off, dragging his suitcase behind him. At that very moment, Megan turned around to get into the car, her face showing surprise as Alan approached. The driver greeted Alan curtly and took care of his luggage. Megan seemed to be a bit taken by surprise, so Alan reached out his hand to her and smiled warmly. "Alan van Sprang, the suitcase thief," he quipped and his smile slowly changed to a saucy grin.  
She grabbed his hand and Alan noticed that it was much cooler than he had expected. "Megan Follows," she introduced herself and smiled narrow-lipped.  
"I know," his grin slowly faded as he wondered whether that had actually been the best way to greet her. A little later he found himself in the back seat of the car, staring at the back of Megan Follows' head. Alan blamed her dismissive manner on the fatigue and excitement that was normal in such a situation. However, he noticed that he found it increasingly difficult to remain seated calmly. The trip went without great conversation and he decided to try a little harder during the first meeting of the actors that evening. Mentally, he already began to imagine where alcohol consumption and successful flirting could lead to. Even if she was not at all the kind of woman Alan usually surrounded himself with, her appearance, her looks and her cool manner towards him had something that appealed to him. His attempts to start a superficial conversation had failed because she usually answered in short sentences or with only one word. He felt challenged and made it his task to at least elicit an honest laughter from her._

_A few hours later, Alan arrived at the hotel bar, slightly late and obviously stressed out. Of course, he had missed his alarm clock and had had to hurry to get there on time. Unconsciously, he was looking for Megan but couldn't spot her immediately. His mood dropped a bit, but he got himself together and introduced himself to those who didn't know him yet, had a few superficial conversations with his future colleagues and silly jokes with Torrance and Toby. A little later, Alan had finally made his way to the bar and sat down on a bar stool. An abandoned glass stood on the counter and he ordered himself a drink to relax a little.  
The fact that Megan wasn't here occupied him a bit more than expected, so Alan sat on the edge of the group, lost in thought, taking a big sip of his drink.  
"Excuse me."  
It was a Deja-vu for Alan and he turned with a knowing grin in the direction Megan's voice had come from. She looked at him friendly, not as cold as in the beginning and Alan saw his chances increasing immediately. After he could tear his gaze away from her face, his eyes slipped as if by himself to her cleavage. The four open buttons of the lumberjack shirt she was wearing revealed the black top below. Alan was quite sure that they would have looked even better if she had only worn the top.  
"What have I done this time," Alan asked with his characteristic grin and looked at her closely, his eyes finding their way back to her face.  
"You're in the way," she replied promptly and stretched a bit, trying to reach around him to take her glass, which was now right behind Alan. He didn't move, which obviously wasn’t what she had expected and the two of them came much closer to each other than Alan had dared to hope. The scent of her hair swirled heavily through the air and soaked the air of his next two breaths with a subtle summer scent.  
"I'm very sorry, of course," he replied softly, just to make it clear, how close her ear was to his lips. Megan finally took her glass, straightened up again and looked at him with interest, she didn't seem the least bit impressed.  
"Bold," she commented and took a sip of her drink, grinning into her glass. "Does that usually work?" she added, as if she were out to embarrass him a little bit as repay for his flirting.  
Alan looked at her with a mixture of surprise and admiration. "No," he said, rallying quickly, "but extraordinary women require extraordinary methods."  
He saw how her expression changed - did she blush? Was that a hint of a real smile? Alan felt he was to be congratulated on his way of flirting. He watched her clear her throat and lift her glass to her lips again. Either she wasn't used to men taking an honest interest in her or Megan was simply an excellent actress.  
"So," Alan said, after she had emptied her glass, "please let me buy you a second drink," he grinned at her, mentally calculating his chances. Megan seemed to hesitate, which only increased his ambition. He waited patiently for her answer, his eyes wandering all over her body again. Megan caught his gaze and raised one eyebrow, leaning forward. "I think that's it for me for tonight," she replied with a confident smile, not unfriendly but clearly more distanced than before. She pressed her empty glass into his hand and turned around, disappearing in the group of actors.  
Alan sighed but was so fascinated by her that he refused to give up. He took his glass, put hers down and joined Toby and Torrance, who were looking at a piece of paper.  
"What's this?" Curious as he was, Alan also bent over the paper.  
"The official cast - I didn't know which of Mary's ladies-in-waiting was played by whom," Torrance grinned and Toby shook his head.  
"I'm almost certain they won't have any interest in you. After all you're not the prince," Toby pressed the paper into Alan's hand and walked away laughing, avoiding one of Torrance's friendly, light blows.  
Alan took a quick look at the paper. "Megan Follows - Catherine de' Medici" stood there, and he clipped. That would mean they were playing husband and wife. His bated breath escaped between his teeth with a hissing sound. This was going to be fun.  
___


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter III

Present, set of "Reign" Episode 10 Season 2  
Megan

Megan stared at the ceiling and tried to ignore the about twenty people around her. The next scene would be special, in several aspects, but she would of course maintain her professionalism and finish the scene with as much grace as possible. She felt Alan moving under the blanket, it must have been warm as hell there, but at least he could hide from the crew members. Megan felt their eyes on her, even if it was just to find out the ideal exposure, it still caused an unpleasant feeling to lie in bed in a silk nightgown and be watched by people. She changed her position with a discomfort that was completely new to her. The lights were dimmed, she relaxed, closed her eyes to slip into Catherine's skin and took a deep breath.  
"Action."  
Finally, Alan's big, warm hand moved upwards along her body. Megan moved as he gently stroked her thigh, she sighed and feigned a restless sleep, just as the script said. She was still acting, his touch only influenced her acting on a professional level. As unexpectedly as a lightning bolt, Megan noticed the reactions of her body to him and his fingertips, which resembled a breeze on her skin. A breeze that didn't bring cooling, but sent throbbing heat through her veins, making her blood boil. Megan sighed again, this time rather involuntarily, as the fabric of the nightgown between her breasts came into contact with her skin. Megan quickly tried to get herself together again, emitting a startled gasp at the moment his hand wrapped around her neck. Opening her eyes, she stared straight into his face, whereupon a slight grin grew across his features. For a brief moment, Megan had the feeling that she wasn't looking at Henry, but at Alan.  
"Henry?" She was somehow able to focus on her lines, "you can't be real." Prepared for what would follow these words, she was still surprised by his jerky movement, it was almost impossible for her to resist and the amazement on her face was real, it only stopped when her fingertips touched his thigh.  
"Don't I feel real?" Henry asked Catherine. Even before Megan had the chance to let Catherine react, Alan had already pressed his lips against hers. She had known about this kiss too, but once again, his quick actions took her by surprise. Her breath was taken away for two seconds at most, and still it seemed to her like an eternity. "Stop," she heard herself say, pulling her hand from his grasp, "Stop it!"  
Alan retreated a few inches, which gave her enough space to sort her thoughts and to prepare her text with a deep breath. Although his way of looking at her confused Megan, she was still able to recite her text correctly. Waiting for his answer, Megan began to realize that Alan had forgotten his lines. The look on his face almost made her pity him, although that was probably the last thing he wanted to now. Megan straightened up fully and raised one arm to comb her fingers through her hair.  
"Sorry," she heard her colleague say, but only shook her head with a light smile. Such scenes were always a challenge, especially when the scene partner didn't seem to be quite with it. It got brighter again and she blinked into the light while Alan was recited his lines by a crewmember, then disappeared wordlessly under the duvet. She didn't like the insecurity that then spread in her, she just prayed that they would get through this scene without an embarrassing incident. After all, there had already been enough situations between them to complicate a scene like this severely. Megan had hoped that his flirting and her occasional going with it, would be a thing of the past and never be an issue again. However, she felt confronted with living proof to the contrary at that moment, as his hand once again moved up her body. She reacted as intensely as she had on their first attempt, this time her sighs were not exclusively feigned and the surprise on her face as Alan closed his hand around her throat was real. "Henry?" she asked, stunned, seeing the hunger in Alan's eyes more than clearly "you can't be real." Alan grabbed her wrist unexpectedly roughly and she gasped as her fingertips hit something hard. "Don’t I feel real?" he asked hoarsely and she stared at him with slight confusion, but didn't let him see anything else.  
Yes. Very real. Surprised by the kiss that followed, Megan was unable to defend herself for a split second. Only when Alan loosened his grip, Megan pulled her hand away and interrupted the kiss as suddenly as he had grabbed her hand. "Stop," his lips were still on hers, and she fought him a little more seriously now. "Henry, stop!"  
Alan breathed heavily, heavier than before and Megan straightened up to gain some distance from him. "What are you doing here? What's happening to me?" oh, if only Alan knew, how serious her questions really were. This sudden magnetism just couldn't be explained. Megan felt like a prisoner in her own body, like she had no control over what she wanted.  
"The twins found me," Alan replied promptly and she watched his hand, which he now raised to put on her cheek, extremely carefully. Despite her tension, Megan calmed hesitantly. He came even closer as she lay back on the pillow, trying to get her heavy breathing back in control.  
"You don't have to feel guilty about Claude," Alan continued, quoting his lines. Megan was completely taken by surprise by his presence, his weight on her and the intense scent of mint. He ran his index finger over her lower lip, which suddenly felt hot. Generally, it was much too warm here, Megan felt the blood rush to her cheeks and she blushed. Why was he staring at her lips for so long? She locked eyes with him and Alan kissed her again, just as instinctively, passionately and almost aggressively as before.   
Megan was quite sure that this kiss had not been written down in the script. Nevertheless, she was once again defenselessly at the mercy of her own body, which so obviously wanted to give itself in to exactly what Alan was doing here. Even when the tip of his tongue hit her lower lip, she didn't stop the kiss. That was at least one way to make sure that this time the scene was shot after this take.  
"Say it," muttering softly against her lips, Alan burst into her thoughts, though Megan was almost certain that only she could hear him "Say that you want me back."  
She had to get herself together. Now. Putting her hand on his cheek, feeling his beard under her fingertips, she remembered her lines.  
"I want you back", the almost inaudible moaning laced through her voice, and her thumb brushed his chin briefly. After taking another two breaths, it was clear to her - Alan had either forgotten his line or thought of something better when he just kept looking at her. His intense gaze gave her goosebumps all over her body. As if unintentionally, she lifted her head slightly, almost unreal, and the way her body stretched out towards him, was something she only became aware of later. As expected, Alan immediately went along and kissed her again. Similar to the moments before, Alan's behavior was unrestrained and impulsively without becoming reckless, his hand slipped her nightgown over her right shoulder, his fingers burned on her skin like fire. The slight pull in her hair that followed his touch on her shoulder by only a split second, elicited a sound from her that was fortunately muffled by his lips.  
When Alan interrupted the kiss, Megan realized that they had made it. Only now she became aware of his weight on her again. The caring gesture on his part as he pushed her nightgown back in place, inconspicuous and possibly invisible to everyone else in the room, surprised Megan. A warm but brief smile flitted across his features and before she could finish the thought and formulate a theory as to which part of his body she felt on her thigh, Alan had slid to the other side of the bed. She quickly sat up and straightened her hair to calm herself, waiting for the burning in her cheeks to go away and for her heartbeat to slow down.  
Even before this happened, she had already put on her shoes, put her jacket over her shoulders and was on her way back to the costume trailer. The cool air helped Megan to get her thoughts in order, with quick steps she moved towards the door to finally be able to put on her normal clothes again. Her heart was still beating wildly and the heat only slowly disappeared from her body. What the hell had happened? The loss of control on her part worried her, maybe she had underestimated Alan? Maybe he was just an excellent actor who didn't let a scene like that worry him? As much as Megan wanted to believe this, she knew it was probably not true.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter IV 

Present, Set of "Reign", Episode 10 Season 2  
Alan

Finally. Alan had arrived at his trailer and wished the last 30 minutes had never happened. The scene had left an incredible chaos inside him and turned everything he thought he knew upside down. After he had taken off his clothes, he squeezed into the admittedly much too small shower and turned the water to freezing cold. After all, he now had every reason to want to clear his head. The memory of Megan's scent, how soft the skin on her shoulder had been and the hypnotizing sounds that her lips had released in response to his touches lost intensity the longer Alan let the cold water run down on him. A few minutes later, shivering and able to grasp a rational thought again, he wrapped a towel around his waist. Leaning on the sink, Alan stared into the mirror. He couldn't explain how she could make him so confused. It made him angry, helpless and at the same time it strengthened his need to get closer to her. Never before had Alan met a woman who fascinated him so much and spurred his ambition, especially after he had already observed and experienced her weak moments. It was no longer just about getting her into bed, he had realized that too. Every encounter with her was like a magic bag, never did Alan know whether she would be cold and rejecting or whether she was willing to go along with his attempts at conversation or even flirting.  
He gave a frustrated sigh, left the tiny bathroom and put on his normal clothes. His day of shooting was over for today, but Alan decided to immediately start talking to Megan. After all, this unprecedented embarrassment during the shooting was something that weighed heavily on his stomach. He didn't want Megan to think he had deliberately put her hand in his crotch, the dynamics of the situation had made this mishap happen. Alan was brave, he also knew which way to approach which kind of woman, he didn't shy away from any challenge, but he certainly wasn't assaulting, that he could have let something like this happen on purpose.  
With a quick look at the daily schedule, he noticed that Megan was now on break. He paused briefly to ask himself where she would spend her free time. Probably as far away from him as possible. Alan stepped out of his trailer into the drizzle and made his way to the food trailer, after all it was almost time for lunch. 

Present, Set of "Reign", Episode 10 Season 2  
Megan

Megan wasn't going to deny it. Of course, she would avoid Alan's presence and hope she wouldn't run into him again. Too deeply had the past events stuck in her head, she had been surprised and her own loss of control bothered her too much. Where was her professionalism? Should she not know better? These questions circled in her head until she felt dizzy and sat down on the chair in her trailer, face buried in her hands. This could not be true. Was she really so needy, that her body completely eluded her control and react to him and his touches in such a way? Megan didn’t want to imagine what he must be thinking right now. He probably thought she was easy to get, which was definitely not the case. Megan was aware that she had worked very hard over the last few years not to let anyone, especially men, get close to her. The cold, dismissive manner, which otherwise did not correspond to her nature at all, had become so much a part of her, that Megan hardly remembered a life without it. No one would ever again have the right to hurt her, to humiliate her and get so close to her just to do the maximum damage.  
She felt like she was about to lose control completely and stood up quickly, taking a deep breath. Megan could feel the knot in her neck starting to tighten and her next breath trembled strangely in her chest. Blinking, she fought the emerging tears and scolded herself for her sensitivity. Megan avoided the look in the mirror, she could hardly tolerate herself and her behavior, so she tied her hair in a loose bun in the neck without the help of the mirror. She knew she now had an hour for lunch before she had to go back to the makeup trailer to get ready for her next scene. Her emotions were in chaos and she tried desperately not to let it show when she went to the food trailer. Luckily, she wouldn't have to deal with Alan and this incredibly embarrassing incident today, that had been his only scene today and Megan wouldn't see him again until the next day. The feeling of relief was mixed with a subliminal feeling of guilt, after all it wasn't his fault that she, or rather her body, had reacted to him like that.  
She made her way to the food trailer without any further incidents, but she was tense and kept a constant lookout for Alan. She didn't want to get involved in a conversation at any price, especially as she feared he might hold her loss of control against her or even worse, tease her about it. He was nowhere to be seen as Megan approached the coffee machine to get a cup of hot water for tea. She relaxed a bit and her posture loosened as she searched for her favorite tea. Apart from a few extras, no one was here yet and Megan was just about to enjoy the peace and quiet and find a seat when a movement in the corner of her eye made her look up. Alan turned his head in her direction at that very moment.  
For a moment, Megan didn't know what to do. She had seen him, he had seen her, she couldn't run anymore. She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she didn't see the relief on his face. Her legs refused to carry her as far away from here as possible on the spot and so Megan had to watch Alan walk towards her.  
"Hey, Meg," she could hear in his voice trying to sound as casual as possible.   
"Alan," she replied, pretending to be busy with her tea bag. To her surprise, he too seemed to feel uncomfortable, at least Megan concluded that from the fact that he was constantly shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Even the unsteady rubbing over the back of his head did not go unnoticed. "I'm late..." she began, when he didn't bother to say anything. But Megan rejoiced too soon and Alan stepped in her way with a guilty expression on his face.  
"I was hoping we could talk," he interrupted her before Megan had finished her sentence. Well, at least he didn't seem to be making fun of her. Her train of thought slipped away from her for a few moments and she felt transported back to the recently shot scene. Almost instantly, Megan felt her cheeks turn bright red. Her posture stiffened and after a short thought, she had decided not to respond to his attempt to talk. She needed time. More than just an hour. Alan eyed her intently, he seemed to be waiting for an answer and Megan had to pull herself together not to wriggle obviously under his gaze.  
"Oh really?", the sarcastic tone just burst out of her and Megan hated herself a little more for this renewed loss of control.  
"Megan, just listen to me, please," Alan had lowered his voice and was looking around for uninvited listeners. For a moment it seemed as if he wanted to touch her arm, despite her sarcastic remark, but something stopped him. Megan shook her head with a sigh. She respected Alan as a friend and colleague, but now, in this moment, she couldn't do this here. "I've got to go," she replied, already making preparations to walk past him, clutching the paper cup tightly with hot water as if she was holding on to it, "I'll see you tomorrow, Alan."  
Relief and guilt were about to tear Megan apart when she finally took the step past him and towards the costume trailer. She didn't turn around anymore, she just left him standing and in this moment, Megan thought it was the right decision. She barely felt the drizzle as she walked towards the costume trailer, not seeing Alan's remorseful face and completely unaware of the fact that although he was heading home like a beaten dog, he already had a new battle plan in mind.


End file.
